Mizblog

I heard a joke in my dream last night. An Israeli shopkeeper told me a joke about a banana. He said “You want joke?” and when I assented, he joked “Why you no like banana? Is appealing!”

I remembered a part of a dream I had last night. The snippet started after Brandon had been the victim of an aggressive driver on the street. Some guy had done something dangerous and had acted like Brandon was intentionally messing with him by using the street. Anyway, the guy stops at the next traffic signal and Brandon pulls up next to him, parks his car, gets out, and goes over to this guy’s car. Brandon opens the door and pulls the guy out onto the ground. The guy’s a short thin man with wavy light brown hair and a beard. Brandon is huge, weighing in north of 300 lbs, and a trained self defense instructor. Anyway, Brandon carefully drags the guy out and onto the hot pavement, where the guy ends up lying with his legs under his own car and his seat belt wrapped around his neck. Brandon calmly sits in his driver’s chair, secures the guy’s car so it won’t roll off, puts his foot on the guy’s chest, and calmly starts to explain to him that his behavior is unacceptable and that it could have dire consequences.

I was very impressed with Brandon’s calm, gentle violence and teaching method. Even though the guy he taught isn’t a real person, and I would never be able to pull off that maneuver, I bet it would go over well in a movie.

I had a dream this morning. In it, Saranya and I were visiting a house in the valley. It was like Greg’s house, kind of. Across the street, there was a jet airplane pulling up. They were gunning the engine like a hot rod after driving it through the valley streets from the airport.

Inside the house, Saranya and I had to do a quest. We had to go out the back and through a dark alley. Guarding the way was a statue with a spear. I grabbed the spear and was able to pull it, but the statue kept its grip and walked around me. When I pulled the spear into the light, it came free and the statue disappeared. That’s when I realized that the statue was really the Bogey Man. It was only visible in low light. It was invisible in darkness, and was incorporeal in bright light.

Across the alley was a lantern store, and Saranya had the bright idea of going over and lighting a bunch of lamps. That lit up the alley, and we could go down a ways. But Saranya was sloppy, and left a bunch of dark areas. I tried calling her back (I was too scared to go into the dark with her, apparently) but she was off doing her own thing for a bit. Eventually she came back, but by then a dining crowd had come to the alley and were sitting outside a restaurant next to the lantern store. She made her way through the crowd, and then started going the OTHER WAY through the alley, into pitch blackness! I was petrified. I could see footprints being formed in the dirt on the dark hill next to the alley. I ran out to get Saranya and get her turned around, but when we turned, we saw the shape of a short, bearded caveman guy rushing us at the edge of the illumination from the lantern store. Saranya surprised me again by launching into a flying side kick, which knocked the Bogey Man sideways and made him stagger. I jumped in and cut into his neck with my khukri.

He started arguing with me about the effectiveness of cutting the Bogey Man, so I cut his head entirely from his body, which then started stumbling around reaching for me. I did the Black Knight thing and cut off the arms and one of the legs to render him harmless.

Then I woke up.

It started in a locker room, with yellow lockers 3 high on either side of the aisle. It had been a long time since I was there, and I wasn’t confident that I remembered my combination. Gwen Stefani was there, and she came over and started to work my combination, but I was dismissive and told her she was way off. Imagine my surprise when the locker opened!

Inside the locker were bags of nutritional supplements. I had L-Tryptophan and L-Phenylalanine in plastic bags, and some notes on how much to take. Gwen wanted to use a plastic knife to measure it out, but I looked deeper into the locker to try to find a measuring spoon or something.

What I found instead was an elaborate first aid kit, and what I slowly came to realize was a filthy skeleton. I was in shock when I realized that something dead had been stored in my locker, so when the skeleton started moving I was ready. I froze. The spine and pelvis popped up and started hopping around. Gwen and I shared a nervous chuckle, because it was kind of like a macabre puppet performance. Then it pulled itself together and suddenly became Sangeeta.

I confronted Sangeeta about how come I had just seen her bones and now she looked fleshy, albeit encased in something that looked like partial plate mail. She admitted that yes that was her, but she didn’t explain. I then asked her what my D&D dwarf priest would say if he met her. She got nasty and replied that things would start to go very bad just before that happened. I asked her if she was evil and she admitted “Well, yes.” Then she scrambled my brain and made me start chanting “La la la la” and running down the street.

At this point I still remembered that she was an evil undead creature. She was powerful but not too smart, and she thought I was completely dominated (and I guess I was, at least at the time.) I headed for the mall. I was going to see if there was something there that could show me what to do about her. I ran ahead.

Inside the mall, it was tricky to get to the section I needed, because there was a crowd of mannequins blocking the corridor. I managed to get around them, and found Sangeeta talking to a naked guy who was playing video games. Specifically, he was playing 3 video games at once. The main one was a DDR clone for drumming, and he was amazing at it. I barely paid attention to the other two games he was killing, because the drumming was so good. And that’s about when I woke up.

I was in a gym, looking for light weight plates. I found a 15lb and a 25lb plate, a curl bar, and a single wooden collar. Good enough. I can’t remember what exercise I was doing. Shrugs? Anyway, next to me was Benson Henderson. He’s doing dips while his body is bent 90 degrees at the hips, toes pointing toward the ceiling, and 2 people hanging from his ankles. He’s really working hard and cranking out reps while his coach is encouraging him, and I’m lifting this curl bar while trying to keep the un-collared weight from slipping off the end.

After the workout, we went back to someone’s hotel room. Robbie Lawler wanted to go to Guitar Center and get a guitar so he could start learning to play. Benson Henderson confused my wallet with his cellphone, and when I stopped him and traded items, he apologized and explained with a rather vacant expression that he’d just had major dental work done that morning and he was kind of “out of it”.

Last night was awful. I dreamed I was called back into the Navy. Our ship was being sent back to the Persian Gulf, manned by all the guys who served there with me 25 years ago. All the old nightmares were reawakened. I was written up for not wearing my ID card, and was then issued an ID card. Then I was cited for having the wrong ID card, and was issued 2 ID cards, but the “valid” one had someone else’s name on it, and the one with my name had random incorrect information. Then I found out we were being sent out so that the Navy could test one of it’s nuclear torpedoes on our ship, and then they could blame Iran for the attack and we’d have ourselves our next excuse to go to war.

I woke up several times from this dream (I think) only to go back to sleep and slip right back into it. When morning came, I felt deeply awful. I’m still trying to feel better, but the despair lingers.

I came across a file on an old hard drive that described a dream I’d had back in 2005. I’m not sure if I remember it or not.

I had another one last night, only this time I joined the Marines. In bootcamp I was the 2nd best Humvee driver so they gave me the keys, only I accidentally locked them in my bag. Oops. All the guys were blaming themselves because they knew they should have beaten me in the driving competition, and if they had then the whole key incident never would have happened.

Then I decided to break into the bag, but on closer investigation I realized I hadn’t locked it properly anyway and it just came right open. Inside were my old shoes and some crumpled up newspaper but no keys. I saw then that it wasn’t even my bag, it was Orwell’s bag. I at first thought he’d stolen my bag with the keys, but his locker was open and empty. I started digging in the dirt underneath my table and found some money but no keys. Then I went to talk to the lieutenant, who was a homeless guy, to ask him about Orwell. I gave him a bagel and he pointed me to the woman in the back office who was his wife.

It got weird after that.

I had a dream this morning. I was a lemur, and there were a lot of lemurs in our kingdom. More lemurs than food. The king called us all into an underground tunnel for some ceremony, and as we all filed down I saw the piles of dead lemurs who didn’t get up to follow.

Once down there, I guess we had whatever ceremony and were coming back out. I was first. On the way out we saw a giant blue cushion in the passageway. It filled the hall all the way across and all the way down, and I knew that it contained the bodies of all the lemurs I’d seen up above. It was the king’s way of handling the problem of disposing of the dead bodies. We were not impressed. The thing looked like it was made of Cookie Monster fur.

Anyway, we walked over it and around the corner to leave, but all we saw at the end was a cement wall. THE KING HAD SEALED THE PASSAGE AND TRAPPED US ALL! I realized that this was also the way he was going to deal with our whole group. I became depressed, but then I noticed that the cement was still fresh, and part of it was flaking off, so I dug into it with my fingers and was able to get through to someone digging in from outside! I cleared an opening and saw a guy looking in at me. He told me that the king was planning some kind of selective breeding program, and he had to get rid of a lot of male competition.

I went back to the ceremony chamber, when someone yelled and the king ran past! He had a secret way into our chamber! We chased him, but then I realized that his bodyguard was following him, so I tackled his bodyguard. As I was struggling to remember what to do in a fight, that’s when I woke up.

I dreamed I was racing Bruce Lee up a hill. There were a bunch of stairs separated by open spaces. Kind of like a terraced parking lot, or the stairs going up the hill at Pierce College. Anyway, Bruce Lee was faster than me, but my long legs let me catch my stride better on the stairs, so I’d be able to catch him and start to pass him on the stairs. But every time I got ahead of him, he’d reach out and pull me back while he pushed himself forward against me! So I started grabbing his arm and pulling him back while I pulled myself forward. We were laughing and grappling with each other all the way up the hill. Neither one of us got tired.

I had a dream this morning that I was Batman in the filming of his next movie. The studio thought it would be a good idea to let people vote for their favorite scene, and the way they’d do it is by putting patches with scene pictures on all the villains, so when you punched them in a patch it counted as a vote for that scene.

I was fighting Cat Woman. I was chasing her in the Bat Jet when she shot a grappling hook that caught me. The wire that attached it to the ground then acted as a conductor, channeling lightning through the Bat Jet. Cat Woman taunted me by saying “Hey, didn’t you vote for this scene?” and pointing to her glowing Bat-Jet-lightning patch, which was where I’d punched her earlier.

After I got out of that pinch, she started throwing those ropes with heavy balls on either end. I need to find the name of those things. Anyway, she was trying to entangle me, but I evaded all her attacks, moved into close combat range, and one by one locked her hands behind her back. She was so intent on attacking me that she didn’t defend against my wrestling techniques until it was too late.

Then I woke up.