Mizblog

It started with a phone call from work, late on Sunday night. Phil couldn’t get a web application to work on his new computer. It kept trying to open the web page with a nonexistent application on his Mac. Turns out he had gotten into my source code and installed some abandoned programs that didn’t work and I’d just given up on them, and then tried to run them over the web using Windows ME on his Mac.

But the whole experience was bizarre. On the conference call with Phil and Joel I kept forgetting what I was talking about while I was talking, then I’d stop talking and nobody would talk for half a minute. I would then ask whether or not anyone else felt disjointed and phased out.

Then I met my old friend Travis, who was in the process of moving from just down the street. I met his neighbors, one girl and one guy, while we talked about his plans. Next thing I knew, I was out in front of his old house in my car and the police were there, arresting Travis. He tried climbing out the window but they stuffed him back into the car. Then they took him down the block to what I thought was a rehab clinic. Some lady told me to get the fuck away from the place or I would be next.

Then Travis’ neighbor approached me and told me that she’d been dropping hints like crazy that I shouldn’t get involved in the game. Travis presumably had been involved in the game and had gone astray. I asked wtf she was talking about, and she told me that if you were invited to play the game, and you were chosen, it was like ultimate happiness. But if you played and screwed things up, well, nothing would ever work out for you anymore and your life would end up a disaster in every way. If you chose not to play, you’d just stay oblivious to the whole thing going on all around you, but you wouldn’t ever get the big payoff or pay the big price.

But if you play, she said, things will definitely get weird. She showed me her snake hair and snake fingers. She told me that maybe I didn’t have a choice about playing, and she turned into a walrus with praying mantis wings and tentacles, one of which stung my hand. It hurt like a bitch! I sort of went into a daze.

Next thing I knew, I was transported to a garage and kind of abandoned/imprisoned. A car pulled in next to us, and it contained a man with what appeared to be some kind of pilot’s helmet and mask on his face, with two small children on his lap. The car was a 2-seater sports car type, and the method of transportation (with no child restraint) was definitely illegal. Then I saw the little alien in the passenger seat. He was tiny! Small like a leprechaun, and encased in some kind of a space suit like Darth Vader. He kept repeating a mechanical sounding “Greetings, Earth. We come in peace.” or something to that effect. The driver got out and handed the alien off to a guy on a racing bike, who had a special freezer compartment in the back of the fairing that looked specially built for aliens. The bike left in slow motion.

Then the guy who brought the alien started puttering around the garage, and I noticed he started changing shape. He was muttering about how it was a mystery how some creatures, who were supposedly slaves, could seem to have free will; while others, who were supposedly free, couldn’t will themselves out of a wet paper bag. Slowly I realized he was talking about demons and humans, and that the game was a sort of “deal with the devil” where you’d take on a demon as part of you, and you’d have to do what it told you to do. The “game” part was that the human had to devote his/her will to following the demonic instructions and nothing else.

Then I realized that the tentacle sting I’d received was just such a demonic injection, but my demon wasn’t talking to me yet. I was still dazed, just sitting in the garage. The guy was moving around behind me, and I realized that he was completely a demon.

Another demon came in and they talked about me; asked if I could hear them and understand. I didn’t respond. Then the first one asked me to tell me what I thought of some things. The words he wanted me to talk about were nonsense words as far as I could here, so I tried to repeat them (and failed pretty badly). He told me that he wanted me to play word association with him instead. “Heart attack” – um, call 911? “Fire” – stop, drop, roll, um, water or foam, call 911…? “Electrocution” – wtf?!? Uh, turn off power?

He pointed to a long cable leading to an installed motor and some machinery, where suddenly sparks and soon also smoke began to erupt from the casing. I wandered around ineffectually, looking for the breaker panel, until in apparent disgust he made the whole thing just disappear. I got the impression that my demonic possession had been tested and deemed a failure.

Then I woke up.

I quit.

My new house is 35 miles from UCLA. This takes me 45-90 minutes to drive, depending on traffic. I think I need to invest in some more audio books if I’m going to make this trip regularly.

We bought our new house!

I didn’t realize it would be such a huge hassle to move into the place, though. Because it isn’t just moving – it’s getting the place habitable and moving! I’m struggling with both.

I still haven’t been able to figure out which phone company offers local phone service, let alone Internet connectivity. Neither Verizon nor SBC (AT&T) show support on their websites.

After that, there’s gas (handled), electric, trash, and water to deal with.

Leaving here, there’s a whole big list of people and organizations that need my new address.

Before we move, we wanted to fix the place up, and upgrade a couple things. A tankless water heater, a new sliding glass door from the master bedroom to the back yard, some wood repair, some plumbing repair, and a new front door. All barely necessary but it’s probably easier to get them done now rather than after we’re moved in.

We went out Saturday and bought new washer/dryer and refrigerator from Best Buy. The guy at Home Depot sent us there to check their refrigerator selection, and we got the same washer/dryer for less money. We also got a dented refrigerator for cheap. :)

So things are going along. I’m stressed out of my normal morning routine for the duration of the move, and I’m eagerly looking forward to being able to relax in my new house!

1. STOP BUYING USELESS SHIT

It’s another year. It’s another decade. Times are tough for a lot of people, and there’s every indication that they’re going to get a lot worse.

I finished 2009 with a week of illness following 5 months of strong physical development. Cold weather and a cold have temporarily derailed my progress on this front, but I’m eager to get back on track and continue my physical conditioning program. I dropped 38 pounds in 5 months, and I’m very proud of that. My first goal in 2010 is to keep this process going, getting myself down below 10% bodyfat (right now ~190 lbs).

I’ve been hunting for a place to live for about a year now. The government has been creating vast sums of money in order to keep housing prices from dropping, so I still can’t afford to buy a decent place to live. In 2010 I’m going to keep looking, and as soon as I find a place that I like and can afford, then I’m going to buy it and move in.

I also need to put effort into keeping what I have: family, friends, job, wisdom. Just because I already have them doesn’t mean I can now neglect them and expect to keep them.

Thanksgiving is here. Time again to remember all the things for which we’re grateful. Here’s my quick list before driving up for an extended family meal:

• I’ve dropped 34 lbs. since July
• I’m not injured despite more vigorous training in fitness and Krav Maga
• My family is healthy and happy
• My job is challenging, interesting, and rewarding
• I have friends who don’t stop being my friends despite hundreds of miles separating us, and frequent periods where we don’t communicate much
• I got my Internet connection back
• There probably is no God

It’s been 8 weeks now, and I’ve dropped a grand total of 18 lbs.

It wasn’t easy, but then again it wasn’t that hard. I had a few key realizations that made everything click.

1. First, I was worried that for whatever reason, my wife and daughter might never come back from Nepal. (They did come back, but a month later than planned.) I feared some unimaginable disaster. So I started taking the possibility seriously, instead of having it this formless looming dread that was keeping me from sleeping and driving me to suppress it by eating too much.

   What would I really do if my family never came back?

   Hmm. I guess I’d have to start another family.

   How would I do that?

   Hmm. I guess I’d have to lose weight and get fit, so I could feel confident enough about myself to attract another mate.

   Well, why wouldn’t you lose weight and exercise right now?

   Hmm. Good idea!

2. Second, I realized that my body was in the shape it was because it had adapted over several years to the environment I had subjected it to. Whatever environment you’re in, your body will adapt to it or it will break. All I had to do in order to get in shape was to change my body’s environment. I started doing very light exercises every morning, and keeping track of the various (easy) exercises in a spreadsheet.

   I used the Hacker’s Diet exercise plan to get started. Actually, I had done this diet and exercise plan (sort of) ten years ago, and it worked while I did it. It made me realize the importance of knowing what you’re eating.

3. Third, it’s easy to keep track of what you eat when you only eat packaged foods. They print the calories right there on the package.
4. Fourth, you don’t have to exercise so hard that you’re sore the next day, especially if you’re not used to exercising at all. Remember the adaptation thing I mentioned earlier? Well, it turns out that there’s a big difference between not exercising at all, and exercising just a little bit every day. Also, after your body adapts to a light exercise plan, it’s pretty easy to do a couple more of one or two of the exercises. Increasing or maintaining the effort every day adds up over weeks, until they’re amazing compared to where you started. And it isn’t very hard on any particular day.
5. Fifth, I realized that even if I woke up in a bad mood or feeling like I didn’t have any energy, I could still do the same exercises I had done the day before. In my spreadsheet I kept track of my mood and energy that I felt when I woke up for the day. Except on the very worst days, there’s no correlation between these mood/energy self assessments and the amount of exercise I was able to do. Waking up feeling weak or depressed is no longer a valid excuse!
6. Sixth, I found it’s much easier to control how much I eat when I consume smaller meals (300-500 calories, vs. my usual 600-1200 calories) if I know what and when I’m going to eat next. Spacing small meals out every 3 hours keeps me from getting too full or too hungry.
7. Seventh, I realized that exercising in the evening was not going to work consistently for me. It was too dependent on my day, and too easy to skip out on. First thing in the morning exercise really is key.
8. Eighth, I started taking allergy meds every single night. They helped me sleep, helped me breathe, and elevated my mood significantly.

So all this change got me moving. I started playing pickup roller hockey, and enrolled in Krav Maga, and except for injuries (and perhaps illness, though I haven’t faced one in 8 weeks) I exercise every single morning before work.

And I’m feeling really good!

I just finished reading Albert Camus – The Stranger, and I can’t help but identify with the main character. The biggest difference between him and me is that he doesn’t seem to think of much past tomorrow, except that all week he looks forward to being with his girlfriend on Sundays. I put a whole lot more effort trying to peer into the future: planning and scheming, working toward goals. Mersault was a simpleton. An idiot.

And yet if you really dig down and think about things from a relativist viewpoint, who’s to say he’s wrong when he asserts that no life is worth living? We all die and then people forget us. What’s the point? For me it all just comes back to survival. We’re here because that’s what we do, because we’re alive. If it wasn’t what our ancestors did, we wouldn’t be here to worry about it.

I did receive one surprise insight from this book – the justice system is geared to weed out socially maladapted limbic systems. People are so interested in the emotional displays of accused criminals because the limbic system is what we’ve evolved to allow us to function in a community setting. A messed up limbic system makes one unable to function as a cog in the machine, and has to be discarded or repaired or maybe just beat back into shape.

I just had the most stressful day I can remember since leaving the navy.

Yesterday we put in an offer on a house in Thousand Oaks. Nice neighborhood, clean house in good repair with an awesome floor plan. We underbid by $29k but I bet we could have gone lower. Anyway, we’ve got a clause in the offer stating that if the house appraises for under the offer price, we’ll buy it for the appraisal value. Nice, huh?

Anyway, Sangeeta’s been really nervous about the whole house buying process, and I hate to admit that it’s starting to affect me. I spent the day second guessing myself and wondering if I did right.

So I spent the morning scrambling to gather and send paperwork for loans and such. I was supposed to get it all in by 10:30am. I got the first wave in by then. Supplements followed until noon.

Then I found out that my domain name had expired. mizerai.com was off the Internet. Crap, something else to rush and fix.

Everett went on vacation today, leaving an experiment with a buggy program. Phil asked if someone could take a look and see about fixing it. Uh, yeah, I guess he meant me. That makes three concurrent projects, plus the real estate situation.

On the way to the lab I narrowly avoided two accidents. First, an old lady crashed her car into another car, then careened through a fire hydrant and into a wall/tree. Water was shooting higher than the buildings on the street. I was in the parking lot behind the wall.

Then at UCLA I pushed a pedestrian with my car. He was cutting in front of me so he wouldn’t have to walk all the way to the intersection/crosswalk to cross the street. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t expecting that and didn’t see him until I had threatened to run him over. He warded off my bumper with his hands, and gave my mouthed apology a couple of over the shoulder dirty looks.

By this point, the adrenaline had gone sour in my blood, and I was shaky. I got to the lab and found out I’d be lunching by myself, and then heading over to a meeting by myself. Who would think that a business meeting with two attractive women would be stressful? Well, now I know. At least the meeting went well.

On the way to the meeting, Jerry called me from Krav Maga Worldwide about my introductory lesson scheduled for tonight. Well, my wrist is still giving me shocks of pain occasionally (hockey injury from last week), but Jerry said we could just tape it up if it was a problem. Oh, and I should wear something I wouldn’t mind getting sweaty. Great. My gym clothes were still at home. I left after the meeting.

Once home, it all crashed down on me. I canceled the lesson and just laid down for an hour. I’m now struggling to stay up until 9pm. I made it through okay but now I feel like I’ve been beaten down. Hope it’s not as hot tonight, so we can all get some good sleep!