Mizblog

Yesterday I saw a tree fall on some girl. It happened right in front of me. I saw the tree start tipping and it just kept going. This girl was on her cellphone and walking away from the tree, when my coworker yelled “Look out!” so of course she stopped and turned around just in time to see the leafy top of the tree land right on here. Luckily for her the only solid things that hit her were the little top branches (which hit her leg) but maybe if it wasn’t for that warning shout she’d have escaped contact entirely.

We decided, my coworker and I, that it was probably a message from God. We failed to agree on its meaning, however. He asserted that it was a commentary on our previous conversation, while I argued that if it was a message, it was sent to the girl upon whom it landed and that in any case we couldn’t know its meaning.

I’m up late. I’m tranquil and focused and productive. It’s a very desirable state. I wish I could cultivate this state of being during normal daylight hours. Those always seem filled with haze and pain and sloth.

Today was a very busy day. We got Sangeeta’s car from the shop where we had the roof and trunk painted. The old paint was degenerating like leprosy, and Sangeeta didn’t want to be seen in such an ugly car. Can’t blame her. Ick. We’ve still got to bring it back next Tuesday for a couple hours so they can color sand the new paint and make it shinier.

We also got a new futon pad today. Then we moved our futon into the living room, threw half our sofa into the trash, and put the other half in my fun room. There’s more space in here now, and more space in the living room too. Less sitting space, of course, but that’s to be expected. We had too much anyway.

Sangeeta’s dad is coming here from Nepal on Tuesday 12/6/05. He’s staying for a month, and he’ll spend time with his two daughters and his god-daughter. And probably with me as well. We’ll watch football. :)

Guitar practice has been going pretty well lately. I’ve begun focusing on technique and accuracy again, since I normally don’t. I started practicing with a metronome, starting slow and then advancing two clicks and then backing off one, advancing two, backing off one, until I get tired or can’t play that fast. Some of the single string, single finger exercises I can do 16th notes at 175bpm, but anything that involves more complex fingering drags the speed WAY down. I’m working on pressing more lightly on the strings, since in the past I’ve tended to really clamp down as the speed increased, and I ended up with bruised fingertips. Same story with my typing, I’m afraid.

I find that being around other people too long drains my energy, but that being by myself for too long also drains me. I need to flip back and forth regularly to stay in top form. I also enjoy just walking around in a somewhat crowded environment. School was always good for that. I’d find myself in a trance, walking around and just letting the ambient noise numb my consciousness while I thought about this and that. Mostly about girls, as it turns out, but that’s hardly surprising.

So today I’m at home, working on a project that I detest more and more the longer it goes on. I feel like I’m actually killing myself with dumbness as I do this job. The problem is that I can’t think of anything else I’d rather work on. I think I’m burned out and need to recharge. I feel half dead most of the time, and it’s the dead part that feels better than the part that’s alive.

Sangeeta’s having her car repainted this week, so no car for me until Thursday.

Sangeeta’s father is coming to stay with us next month. If I live through that, I’ll be a very surprised person come next year.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I can’t remember any dreams but I do remember Sangeeta waking me up over and over because I was snoring.

So now I’m just sitting here, writing all this shit and wondering what the fuck I’m doing with myself anymore.